Hello, My Dear Friends,
In our worship on the Sixth Sunday of Easter, May 10, we will observe Mother’s Day, and I will deliver a message entitled, “The Gift She Really Deserves.” Something I’ve noticed over the years is that couples who have built a strong marriage have decided, and learned, and made it a habit to believe the best instead of assuming the worst. That means they are generous in their explanation of each other’s behavior.
Here’s my honest and free advice to couples (to married couples or just people in a relationship): Find the most generous explanation for each other’s behavior and then believe it! You see, at some point in every relationship there will be a gap — a gap between your expectations, and your partner’s behavior. Every single time that happens, you get to choose what you put in that gap, and it begins in your mind. Happily married couples learn to discipline themselves to be generous in their explanation.
Do you quickly go negative? Or do you assume the best? That’s your decision. When you choose to assume the worst, every time you choose to go negative, you have contributed to the demise of your relationship. The last thing your partner wants to do is to disappoint you. But when you go negative, what it communicates is this: “No matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, it’s not good enough. You will never measure up.”
However, one of the most powerful things you can do is, when there’s a gap, to fill the gap with, “I believe the best.” When you communicate that to your partner, here’s what happens: You create margin in the relationship. A healthy person will always respond to that margin and begin to move in your direction.
When you believe the best, even when there’s a gap, what you communicate is, “I trust you.” Trust in a relationship means, “I accept you.” Acceptance means you have not disappointed me. Let me tell you about your partner’s heart; it’s really just like your heart. Our hearts are drawn toward relationships of acceptance. God made us this way.
Couples who have built a fulfilling marriage have learned there are going to be gaps. The only question is, what am I going to put in the gap? Am I willing “to endure all things, to hope all things, to believe all things, and to trust all things?” (1 Corinthians 13:7). Am I willing to place in the gap, “I trust you.”
Believe the best,
Bruce Jones, Pastor
Imagine Church
